35 lifetimes

One of the people who is really guiding me right now is Betsey Carpenter. She is a chiropractor and a master at kinesiology. When I was diagnosed she drove up from the bay area and spent several hours with me muscle testing to figure out how to approach the cancer. Now whenever I am considering a new practitioner or therapy or supplement, I run it by her and she muscle tests to see if it will be beneficial.

When I saw an MD and later went to the ER and saw on the on-call doctor, neither of them thought about gallstones as the cause of this piercing back pain – Betsey went right to it. With further testing she discovered that I have over 35 lifetimes of resentment about various illnesses and physical ailments, and that I need to hold all the resentments that I can recall from this life with love and compassion. Additionally, she told me to eat lots of kiwi and pineapple, which will help dissolve the gall stones. She also left me these tachyon beads. Supposedly popular in Japan, she advised me to tape these healing stones to places the acupuncturist suggested. Since I haven’t yet seen an acupuncturist for the gall bladder problem, I found the  points intuitively by finding the sore points on my shins and outer thigh and outer wrist and taped the beads there. I did some more sleuthing and came to three gemmos which will also help; they are made from hedge maple tree, ash tree and fig tree. (Gemmos use the roots and shoots of plants, the most potent parts, to help specific organs.) Gemmos are being shipped; here’s my pineapple and kiwi lunch.


The last few days I’ve been severely sick – nausea and vomiting, terrible headache, throbbing in my jaw where the bone is swollen, and this back pain. Betsey said that I should actually visualize this cancer dragging me across rough terrain into a dark cave, which is very much the physical and emotional experience right now. I’ve been so sick that all I can do is lie with my eyes closed, not moving at all. It is sort of like the Tibetan practice of dark retreat, where one spends forty-nine days in total darkness with no interactions with other humans, and through this practice, the light body is clarified. I also started a low dose of morphine, and when I first took it, I saw a picture of skin and a big band-aide, and then the band-aide sliding off the skin, no more adhesive, which I took to be the veil that separates “dream” from “reality.” With the cave and the morphine the adhesive that usually separates “dream” and “reality” slides off, and I can clearly see and feel the seamless light body.

Today I am well enough that I can write in bed, although if I get up, the back pain flattens me, so I need to be patient and let the gallstones dissolve. Interestingly, she tested for a “liver flush” which many people use to dissolve gallstones – an olive oil, grapefruit and epsom salt affair, and it came up as not beneficial. My system wants me to do this slower work with the resentments. When I chew the kiwi and feel those little seeds between my teeth, I imagine they are the gallstones dissolving, digesting the resentments like a cow chews on rumen. I hold all of the resentments I can recall, not wishing them away or berating myself for them, but just honoring them and holding them tenderly.

Here’s a blog by a somatic therapist in Boulder, CO that my friend Joelle found. He writes beautifully about working with our emotions/body is this way.

And some books about this:

Healing: A Women’s Journey from Doctor to Nun by Sister Dang Nghiem  (thanks Betse P for this one)

The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings are Trying to Tell You by Karla McLaren   (had a wonderful skype session with her a couple of years ago)

Anything by Ticht Naht Hahn

I say to my resentments this section of the Heart Sutra:

I hold you close to me,

I release you to be so free.

Because I am in you, and you are in me.

Because I am in you, and you are in me.


One thought on “35 lifetimes

  1. Was cooking tonight and thinking of you (again) and just then my phone behind me registered reciept of email – this blog. So happy to feel connected to you! More later, doing the tub and bed routine with boys.
    Love and lots of it!

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